he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
