i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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