I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm really busy with my period
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