she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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