okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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