Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
