In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently you make a good broom.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
