Your face is a jimmy john
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
