I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
