I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
