Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
