How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
