The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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