What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize