I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
