I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
