I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
