I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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