there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
