This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
