So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
