matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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