Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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