Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
