Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
two words: eviction party
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
