found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
