Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
