So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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