Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
