its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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