I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
