it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
