Sponge bath it is.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
