there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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