i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
