how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
