I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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