Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
