Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
