is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
