You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
