But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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