i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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