i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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