What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
They are going to name an STD after you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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