I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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