Can Purell be used as lube?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
