Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
