Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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