Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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