How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
