I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this will be a night to untag.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
