he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When are your genitals available?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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