you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
