I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
