Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My life is pants optional.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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