Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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