You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
