we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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