You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
