I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
