I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
