Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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