apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
