I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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