I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
