mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
