You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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