if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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