I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
